Saturday, October 12, 2013


I see this statement posted all the time in relation to love, and to loss. 

It's lovely. 

I think it's beautiful. 

I wish I could relate. 

I wish I felt the same. 

I want to say the same thing. 

I want to say that even though she is gone, I carry her instead, not in my arms, but always in my heart and mind. 

But I can't. 

Because the last time I carried her heart, I don't feel like I took very good care of it. 

You can see why I feel too guilty to do it again. Why I feel too scared to proclaim that I have the right to carry her heart again. 

Maybe one day.

I wish I had the ability now to not cringe. 

All I think instead is "well last time they let me have her heart, I just went and messed that up". 

Maybe she took mine instead.


  1. Lauren, We were in the Bradley class together and I've been following your story since Kelsey sent out your information in March. I just want you to know that I've been thinking about you and Clint and Ree for a long time. I am so sorry and you are all in our prayers. - Kristen

  2. This made me cry. I can't imagine your pain. I look forward to the day that you write the post saying you can say this now


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