I had seen pictures. I've see plenty of pictures.
Newborns surround me. It's a peril of being in my late 20's/early 30's.
I had seen happy pictures of this newborn and family. I thought I could watch the video. I was not ready.
Pictures are silent and do not convey as much of the actual experience. When the baby came out, bright and loud and the room and family were all filled with joy, it slammed into me how different my birth experience was. That probably seems pretty simple but haven't exactly been hanging around delivery rooms anytime lately to watch a loud screaming baby being born.
My room was deflated. People were sobbing before she ever entered the world. There was panic because there was a cord wrap yet no rush because there was no need to panic. The only rush was getting it over with for me. It was an odd mix of emotions for Clint, watching them handle her with much less care than you do for a living child, but still feeling desperate to have them take care. I don't think either of our heads were wrapped around her death. His head battled with the reality of no need to be gentle and the fragility of his daughter.
That room was so silent. She was so silent. Just sobs. Thats all you could hear in the room.
In the video, tears were flowing. There were tears flowing for me too as I watched just not for the same reason.